Alex J. Cavanaugh. Where we get to express our deep dark fears and insecurities without fear of repercussions. So here is mine...
Before today, I had written about one chapter in almost three months. Previously, I had been writing about a chapter a week. When you put in a full time job, kids, and a husband, I felt I was doing pretty good. Granted, that was before I added in a biochem class and blogging, which also cut into a big chunk of time. The last three months of barely writing has completely wreaked havoc on my self esteem.
About a month ago, I was feeling really down. I was struggling with a chapter and majorly self doubting. Then I worked through the chapter I was having trouble with, and bam, feeling good again. This past month I wrote about three sentences. It had me self doubting again. Maybe I'm not good enough to finish my book. Was I just pretending to be someone I wasn't? Where do I get off trying to call myself a writer? I knew my character's were still with me, I could hear their whispers. The less I wrote, the harder it was to sit down and do it. The louder the naysayer voice echoed in my head.
Until today, today I made myself sit down and write. I had two hours of free time and I was not going to do anything but write, and I did. I wrote over 1,100 words. It flowed beautifully and it felt wonderful. It made me feel like I accomplished something. It told the naysayer voice to shut up and take a hike. I felt vindicated. I was a writer!
So here I am on top of the world again. Feeling good until the voices start to tell me I can't again. Will I listen? Allow that voice to tell me I'm not good enough or will I push through? Write, when the voices tell me I can't? Will I continue on, even though this voice tells me I cannot? You bet I will.