Tuesday, November 1, 2011

IWSG-#3 Self Doubting

    Once again it's that time of the month. Wait, not that time. It's time for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. The brilliant idea of Alex J. Cavanaugh. Where we get to express our deep dark fears and insecurities without fear of repercussions. So here is mine...

    Before today, I had written about one chapter in almost three months. Previously, I had been writing about a chapter a week. When you put in a full time job, kids, and a husband, I felt I was doing pretty good. Granted, that was before I added in a biochem class and blogging, which also cut into a big chunk of time. The last three months of barely writing has completely wreaked havoc on my self esteem.

    About a month ago, I was feeling really down. I was struggling with a chapter and majorly self doubting. Then I worked through the chapter I was having trouble with, and bam, feeling good again. This past month I wrote about three sentences. It had me self doubting again. Maybe I'm not good enough to finish my book. Was I just pretending to be someone I wasn't? Where do I get off trying to call myself a writer? I knew my character's were still with me, I could hear their whispers. The less I wrote, the harder it was to sit down and do it. The louder the naysayer voice echoed in my head.

    Until today, today I made myself sit down and write. I had two hours of free time and I was not going to do anything but write, and I did. I wrote over 1,100 words. It flowed beautifully and it felt wonderful. It made me feel like I accomplished something. It told the naysayer voice to shut up and take a hike. I felt vindicated. I was a writer!

    So here I am on top of the world again. Feeling good until the voices start to tell me I can't again. Will I listen? Allow that voice to tell me I'm not good enough or will I push through? Write, when the voices tell me I can't? Will I continue on, even though this voice tells me I cannot? You bet I will.

17 comments:

Elliot Grace said...

...what a touching admission that so many of us fellow writers deal with on a daily basis...self doubt.

One thing I often remind myself is that, if it were easy, everyone would do it.

Great post ;)

El

Karen Walker said...

Yeah for you. When I first started writing, that voice almost stopped me altogether. I titled the memoir I was working on "I'm Nobody, Will you Listen Anyway?" It helped me get the book written. Title changed afterwards.
Karen

Sarah Pearson said...

Congratulations on going back to it, it's not easy, I know :-)

Elle Strauss said...

Good for you! It's been so long since I've done any new writing, I feel like I don't know how to do it anymore. I. Must. Write. Today.

Kit Courteney said...

How wonderfully uplifting!

Good for you.

Keep it up!

Nancy Thompson said...

Oh Jess, you write and so you ARE a writer! We each have days, weeks, months, dare I say years, when we just can't get anything down on "paper". That does not make us any less of a writer.

Like you did exactly, you just have to keep thinking on things and something will come through. I was having a hard time coming up with a plot for my current WIP, then yesterday my BFF and best crit partner, Lisa Regan, asked me to critique her first chapter. Just reading that chapter inspired me, and just this afternoon, viola, I came up with the plot, something I'd been struggling with for MONTHS!!

So don't ever doubt yourself a writer. Just keep on moving forward as best you can. There's no time limit to this thing.

Isis Rushdan said...

The voices will always be there. That's why it is important to either listen to loud music to drown them out, or make sure your own voice overpowers them :). Wishing you the best.

Jessica Salyer said...

Elliot- thank you. Your right everyone would do it. :)

Karen- Glad I'm not the only one who hears voices.

Sarah- Thanks! Hope your writing is going good.

Elle- I saw you wrote tonight! Good for you!

Kit- Thank you!

Nancy- It's amazing were inspiration comes from sometimes. Thanks.

Isis- Thank you. I have come up with some good playlists. Congrats again! I'm so happy for you.

Carrie said...

Yay for beautiful flowing words and 1100 of them!!! That's awesome. Keep writing and telling those stupid voices they are wrong!!

Some days I'm lucky to get out 200 crappy words, but I figure as long as I keep sitting down to write I'm telling those voices to shut up. Hopefully one day they'll listen to me or I'll quit listening to them...

Writer J said...

That's awesome :D I think I need to join this support group.

Melissa Bradley said...

Good for you! I struggle with similar feelings throughout each and every project I work on. I'm convinced this will be the one where everyone figures out I really can't write worth darn. Thanks for sharing this and I applaud you on your 1100 words. That is awesome!! Keep going and I wish you tons of success on your journey. Thanks for the follow! :)

J. A. Bennett said...

LOVE your positive attitude! Go get 'em girl!

Caitlin said...

Love reading positive posts for Insecure Writer's Support Group!

And yeah, you had me laughing at the beginning ;)

Jessica Salyer said...

Carrie- Your right as long as we keep writing, we win. :)

Writer J- The more the merrier. Check out Alex's blog to sign up.

Melissa- I heard some one say, "Only the bad writer's think they're actually good." :) Good luck to you too!

J. A.- Thank you!

Caitlin- I had hoped at least one person laughed at that. Thanks. Lol.

DL Hammons said...

The voices never go away...but you'll learn to ignore them. Most of the time. :)

Lynda R Young said...

It's a wonderful feeling when the words flow like that. Those shining moments make it all worth it.

Jamie Burch said...

Congratulations on such a good writing day! Love those moments. It's always difficult to start again after being away for so long but it feels so good when I do. Glad you were able to push past those voices!