Saturday, October 17, 2015

Paralyzed By Fear

In the past four months I've written under three thousand words. Every single one of those 2,789 words were a struggle. Like I had to make an incision in my skin, break apart a piece of my bone, and write every word by hand in my very own blood.

And they suck.

These measly 2,789 words that I struggled so hard for. I already know that I probably will get rid of at least 2,000 of them. It took me so long and it was so hard to get this small amount and they will end up disappearing by the delete key.

I feel as if a part of me is missing. This part of me that made me a writer. This part of me that could write. This part of me that could sit down and let the stories that were bouncing around in my head flourish on a computer screen. This part of me that could believe in myself enough to believe that I could do this.

Now all I have are the stories bouncing around, the voices in my head, and a paralyzing fear.

A fear that won't allow me to write.

And I'm not sure if I completely understand it. So, I decide to write it down. Try to push it out, get it out, shove it out, so that I can do what I love to do. So, I can do what I need to do. Because the more I stay away, the harder it gets, the worse I feel about myself.

It all compounds upon itself. These feelings of self doubt. These feelings of worthlessness. These feelings of not belonging, of not really being a writer. Of not being good enough. Of never succeeding. Of never getting an agent or never getting traditionally published. Of always being suck right where I am and where I've always been.

Am I where I always have been?

In the just over 4 years I've been writing I've written: three full books, two collaborations, one short story, have three partial books, and have too many ideas in my head to ever stop. I have self published a book with a friend, which has done better than I ever expected it to and my short story is in an anthology for charity.

Four years ago I only had an idea in my head that I had to write down because there was no other option.

So where do I go from here?

I can quit. I can give up writing all together. Tuck away my stories and hide away my notebooks full of ideas. And loose that integral piece of me forever

Or I can fight.

I can cut open a vein, poor some blood into a bowel, grab my bone quill and write one word a day if I have to.

I can remember why I'm doing this and I started doing this ... for the stories. It didn't matter if it sucked or not, I just wanted to get the story out. Out of my head and on the screen. I wanted the story to live for someone to read it and love it as much as I did. I wanted to set my characters free.

And I still do.

So, I will stop worrying about how many words I write. I will stop worrying about how good it is. I will stop worrying if it will ever get published and get back to basics.

And remember I love it.


Thursday, April 16, 2015

Doing It For Love- Cover Reveal

I was on vacation and forgot to post this ... so better later than never. Take it away Cassie!

I used to have a cover reveal like, every month. Then there was a LONG break. So I'm a bit antsy to share this one :) 

Keeping with tradition with my other cover reveals, here is the GIF version of the book.

Once upon a time, there was this girl named Liz. 

And she was dating this guy named Landon.

And they are totally in love, so this guy gets down on one knee blurts out while in the shower that he wants to marry her. 

She's in love with him, so of course she says yes. 

And they get it on.

But they've been together for years, and the sex is a little... 

And Liz is determined to not turn into an old married couple before they're even married.

So she proposes a deal to Landon---no sex until the big day. Anticipation will bring the spark back!

Landon agrees because he doesn't think she'll make it.

Liz thinks Landon will be the one to cave first. 

And with their hearts set on different honeymoon locales, a bet is made. 

But with all the stress of wedding plans, an unexpected job change, and no way to relieve the tension, Liz and Landon start to wonder if they're ready for a relationship that means more than just the stuff in the bedroom. 

And now here's the cover for it!!!

The actual blurb is below, along with the stuff about me and all those purchase links and yadda :D 

I'm so stoked for this one! (Side-note... it's my most favorite book I've written to date :) )

DOING IT FOR LOVE comes out September 29th! 

Spell for the day:

Wingardium Leviosa! 

Cassie Mae’s charming, sexy new novel, perfect for fans of Emma Chase, puts a steamy twist on modern love as one bride-to-be tries to put the spark back in the bedroom—by any means necessary.

Elizabeth Fanning’s life looks pretty perfect, judging by the diamond ring on her finger. Her fiancé, Landon, is sweet, handsome, and hilarious. The trouble is, before they’ve even tied the knot, their sex life has gone from mind-blowing to “meh”—and Liz isn’t ready to be part of an old married couple. After a cathartic call to her best friend, Liz comes up with a brilliant idea. She and Landon may never be able to re-create the magic of their first time, but how amazing would their wedding night be if everything below the neck was off-limits until then?

Liz thinks it’ll bring them closer together. Landon’s convinced she’ll cave first. So they raise the stakes: Whoever lasts longer gets to pick their honeymoon destination. With her heart set on the Bahamas and Landon fighting for snowbound Utah, Liz simply has to win. But pretty soon, her body is screaming for attention, and Landon’s never seemed so far away. Has Liz’s experiment backfired? Losing their little competition would be frustrating—but the one thing she can’t afford to lose is him.
Learn more about or order a copy of Doing It For Love by Cassie Mae, available September 29, 2015:
Buy at Amazon
Buy at B&N
Buy at iTunes

Or add to your Goodreads here:

Cassie Mae (who dons the name Becca Ann on occasion) is the author of a few hundred... okay, maybe not that many... books. Some of which became popular for their quirky titles, characters, and stories. She likes writing about nerds, geeks, the awkward, the fluffy, the short, the shy, the loud, the fun.
Since publishing her bestselling debut, Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend, she has published and sold books to Random House, Swoon Romance, and Tulip Romance. She has a favorite of all her babies, but no, she won't tell you what it is. (Mainly because it changes depending on the day.)
Along with writing, Cassie likes to binge watch Teen Wolf and The Big Bang Theory. She can quote Harry Potter lines quick as a whip. And she likes kissing her hubby, but only if his facial hair is trimmed. She also likes cheesecake to a very obsessive degree.
You can stalk, talk, or send pictures of Dylan O'Brien to her on her Facebook page:

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Valentine's Day Giveaway

Rachel Schieffelbein has put together an amazing givaway for Valetine's Day! Here are the books up for grabs. Just enter down at the bottom and good luck.

a Rafflecopter giveaway


Monday, October 20, 2014

One Year Anniversary of (Never) Again

October 15th was (Never) Again's one year anniversary and to celebrate Theresa Paolo's publisher is giving away 5 copies. FIVE!

Enter below for your chance to win! (*You have to be a member of NetGalley in order to win. If you're not, sign up is free and super easy.)" rel="nofollow">a Rafflecopter giveaway


Wednesday, October 1, 2014

What's Up Wedensday

I haven't blogged in so long I decided to write a post about what I've been up to.

I have a book coming out in 6 days! 6 days! Can you believe it? And it's so pretty....

I wrote this book with the amazing Cassie Mae. It was such a fun experience. Next week, I'll talk about how we did it. But for now here's the blurb:

Tyler Koontz is Trojan gold all the way. There’s nowhere he loves to be more than on the football field.

Sam Nolan is Skyhawk red born and raised. With her mom's depression problem and her dad's recent death, she lives for her little brother who is a big football fanatic.

There’s one rule in this town...

Trojans and Skyhawks don’t date. EVER.

So when Tyler and Sam fall fast and hard for each other, what are they to do? Keep it a secret of course.

The problem is in a town this small, secrets don’t stay secret for long.

Right now it's on pre-sale at Amazon.

I love this book so much. It's a modern day Romeo and Juliet retelling, but with a happy ending. I can't wait for everyone to read it and then at the same time I'm scared for everyone to read it. I hope they like it.

I guess we'll see... In a week!!!